Day 564: Waiting for The Thing

This is, ultimately, what I’m most guilty of when it comes to change… waiting for The Thing.

Not Benjamin J. Grimm, the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed thing (although he’s worth waiting for). You know, the thing. Some sort of transformative idea or moment where it all falls into place and I just start to get it. 

An epiphany. A Road to Damascus moment. A…  I don’t know, bittersweet symphony?

It’s not coming. It’s hard to cop to this — I’d really, really LIKE it to come — but it’s just not going to happen. Change is going to be a slow, grudging, gruelling process that aggravates me every step of the way.

A year and a half in, and this is still a grind! I think partly because I’m still waiting for the thing.

The sooner I can relinquish the idea that it’s all going to “click,” and that I’ll have some sort of time when it all falls into place and stays in place, the sooner I think I’ll do better overall. It’s just hard to accept that it doesn’t ever get easy. It’s just varyingly difficult.