Day 908: Rx is Ex!

The doctor says “exercise”. That’s… pretty much it, actually. So I should get back to exercise. I should’ve today, but I was crazy tired, so I headed back to bed.

Not super conclusive, and I can’t say I’m thrilled, but I also don’t know what I was expecting. So: exercise tomorrow. Something short but blood-pumping. We’ll see how she goes!

Day 905: Up early, lousy sleep

We’re into the “hot sleep” days of summer; these are rough. We wound up moving downstairs to the guest bedroom, which is easy a 2-3 degree difference (Celsius), but then the cats found out and went bonkers, so it’s been a rough night all round.

Giving my wife a lift to work with the Temporary Car as it’s raining; then back to bed, I think. Knocking this out now so I can head right to sleep when I return.

Yesterday was our fifth anniversary in Kingston; the city/move has given us a lot, and even with the Grand Funk, I’m grateful. We went out and ate too much, then felt gross, which may also have contributed to the lack of sleep.

Day 904: Now I’m Freaked Out About Kidney Stones

Now that I’m thinking about kidney stones again, it’s hard to stop thinking about kidney stones; a wibbly stomach again and I can’t stop wondering if it’s just something I ate, or… the lurking doom.

All’s I can do is keep drinking water, I guess. And keep that morphine around.

I haven’t gotten rid of the Grand Funk yet, which as stated the other day is tiresome. Hopefully soon? Maybe lingering kidney stones are causing the Grand Funk? Who knows at this point…

Day 903: Dire Kidney Stone Portents

A friend of mine who has spent considerably more time than me at the kidney stone rodeo gave me a dire warning yesterday that a complete cessation of pain for a week or more may not mean the stone has passed! It may still be lurking. So there’s something for me to think about. Good motivation for me to chug water like a warthog, assuming warthogs chug a lot of water.

The Grand Funk seems to be lifting a bit; I’m cautiously optimistic, and a bout of forcing myself to clean the house for two hours last night was helpful. Tidying is a good panacea for my brain, for whatever reason.

The irony of these things is I know exercise helps, but the last thing I want to do is exercise. Maybe more paddling today? That definitely seems to help.

Day 902: I’m getting pretty tired of this

Made an appointment to see my GP a while back; if there isn’t a song called “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired,” there should be.

Quick Googling says no song, but a fairly famous speech by a civil rights activist in 1964, and actually kind of an awesome person, at a glance.

At any rate, I can’t wait to turn the corner on this thing. It’s bugging me.

Day 901: Back to Sleep!

Another rough night / back to bed scenario; the Grand Funk continues, which is not only brutal in the personal sense, but is making this super uninteresting. It’s a bit hard to articulate what “crushing apathy” feels like, and frankly I’m not quite sure what reservoir I’m drawing on to keep this up rather than “habit,” but I’m just not feeling it.

I’m persisting, though! This might be just the right kind of self-therapy to keep processing this stuff every morning and work through it.

Day 790: Weekend Business

So busy on the weekends! It’s distressing. A busy day in Ottawa, and wall to wall stuff to do at home today. Laundry! Radio! Podcast! Cleaning! Tiniest Gallery fix!

My co-host for WAFFLES! this morning is going to watch soccer and nap. I’m genuinely envious, but have to remind myself that I do it to myself — I take these things on, so I can hardly complain when the chickens come home to roost. But definitely feeling a bit frayed around the edges today; I was hoping a day in Ottawa and on the road would make me feel like I’d had a bit of vacation, but being the driver / car-renter / accommodation-booker / car-returner is just kind of more job as much as it is a break.

Proper vacation coming in about three weeks… I just need to keep my head down and bear away on that.

Day 778: Winter Blahs

Still a bit under the weather, and now my wife’s feelin’ it too — this is mid-February, so our working theory now is “winter blahs”. I just fired up the Happy Lamp, which is something I should use every morning.

So it’s been a not-great couple of days because of that, and I know I’m going to come out of this with a setback, but I think my goal right now is just “power through”. We’ve had a bit of a home crisis and life change recently (everything’s fine now!), and my wife’s grandmother is sadly in what seem to be her final stages of life (and her passport is expired, so travel isn’t possible). Stressors, in other words.

Hunker down, watch the food, do the 10 minutes of exercise a day, and today’s a holiday, so I’m going to kind of lean into that and goof around a bit.

Day 771: Bah!

Just… not having it today. Slow morning; hard to wake up, hard to get going. Mediocre exercise (despite tiny motivational statements).

I suspect that I’m freaking myself out over this essay for the LLM application, which is… fair, I guess. There’s a lot of ego tied up in this, and I’m surprised at how uncomfortable it makes me feel. It’s natural; I’m stretching myself (and stretching is good), but the ol’ impostor syndrome is kicking in at 150%.

“No way out but through,” as the short motivational phrase goes! I need to crack away at it til it’s done, and I don’t think I should be pressuring myself to produce the result of a future three years of LLM work as an introductory writing sample. But I am. That’s my damn brain. Dang it, brain!