Day 872: Mental Blocks (Day 10 of 100)

I have a hard time with this, sometimes, in choosing approaches. One approach is “fake it ’til you make it,” and just keep being positive and upbeat. The other is unflinching honesty, and admitting when I’m down / unmotivated / depressed.

Today, I’m veering toward honesty — I’m still having a hard time getting motivated. I suspect the general burnout problem I was having in April is persisting, and after a grand total of two days of trying CBT I felt a bit better and stopped, so I think that’s on me. I need to get back on that.

I need motivation to get motivated! This 100-day thing isn’t cutting it… yet. Maybe the sense of urgency will kick in.

Day 871: Mental Bouvier (Day 9 of 100)

It was a tiny side trip off-piste, but back on track with food logging and exercise, and back on track to meet that 100-day goal.

I’ve been slipping in other areas, though — absent Netflix, I’ve been backfilling bad movies and tv shows through the kindness of friends, and despite a “some junk food is good for you” games policy, I’ve found it real easy to get back in that habit. It’s constant realignment, right? Goodbye Terraria on the PC, and while deleting the Plex server is too strong a move, I’m gonna stop second-screening TV again and try to get back to a “TV in the living room as a focused activity” position again.

Swing out, swing back, repeat — that’s the nature of it. Don’t freak out about deviations, just get back on the track. It reminds me of a dog my parents had — a huge Bouvier de Flandres. Bouviers are herding dogs, so if I went for a walk with my folks, and one of us sort of deviated from the group because we were talking or just sort of meandering, the dog would come up beside us, and nudge our flank with its huge head to get us back with the pack. That’s what I’ve got going on. A big mental Bouvier.

91 days to go!

Day 870: Post Long Weekend Logey (Day 8 of 100)

Two days of family visiting and a moving day have thrown me a bit catawonky, but that’s to be expected — back on track today, feeling a bit off (lots of exercise and quite a bit of sun). I expect I’ll be 100% by tomorrow morning and running again.

I… do not miss moving. My friends are still at the “two-bedroom apartment” stage of their lives, which is an amount of stuff I vaguely aspire to myself at this point. My wife and I, despite her best efforts and probably due to my lack of effort, accumulate.

All that to say that I’m not in top form today, but I’m logging, and mindful, after a few days of weird scheduling and consequential bad food habits.

Day 869: Moving Day (Not Mine) (Day 7 of 100)

It’s a holiday Monday, and we’re helping friends move, so it’s this and then seeing my folks off, and then over to… well, shift boxes for at least the morning. No “standard” exercise this morning because I don’t see the point in tuckering myself out before helping out.

Not great food while my folks have been here, which is to be expected, but still logging a week into this; logging everything, and re-identifying where my weak points are. I haven’t been dropping pounds yet, but that’s not surprising — it’s 90% kitchen and 10% gym, and I need to start adjusting that kitchen starting this week.

Day 868: Chore Day (Day 6 of 100)

Chores today! Lots to do; the laundry is already done, but there’s yard work and some “work work” to do; a few things I need to get ready for next week at the office. We’ve promised some friends we’d help them move tomorrow, so Victoria Day is a bit of a write-off.

I’m also hoping to spend some time in a canoe with my folks today, despite having baked the back of my neck to a delicious crisp yesterday while gardening (well, anti-gardening, really… digging up all the crap to make space for something new this year).

Torn between nap desire and the pull to just push on with all the must-dos and sleep very well tonight.

Day 867: Parents! (Day 5 of 100)

It’s pretty inspiring having my parents here: 50+ years of marriage, both in their 70s but in fine fettle, having spent a life of good diet and reasonably active lifestyles — and luck.

You can’t plan for bad luck, but you can optimize your chances for good luck, which is what they’ve done. It’s great to see them both well and together in their seventh decades.

Earlier on, I was knocking on about motivation, and it’s true — “productive vanity” is kind of my underlying thing, for good or for ill.

This is a motivator, though, seeing them well at their age. The long game. I’m not always good at focusing on that, but it’s good to have an example I can’t refute right in front of me.

Day 866: Personal Focus Goal, Jerkpod in One Go (Day 4 of 100)

It’s rare I just do this in the morning.

A normal Jerkpod consists of me sitting down, turning my computer on, opening a web browser, logging into this site, then opening my email in another tab, then writing the title for today, then possibly checking another site, or MetaFilter, or looking up some bit of trivial information that wandered across my brain.

I almost never do this in one go: sit down, computer on, browser open, write then record, upload, and post. I’m trying to do it today and it’s actually hard. I have every temptation to just check my email super quick or find out whether or not Huey Lewis and the News released any albums after “Fore” or… something.

The social media diet has helped with distractibility, but it’s clearly not a cure-all.

So today, I’m forcing myself to do this in one go: write this post, record it… all the steps up to being done and online. Again, it’s difficult. It’s almost like my hands are itching.

I do have an attention span! If I need to focus on a project at work, or at home, I can crack away no problem for long periods of time. But my mind wanders a lot during creative processes — even just a simple blog like this one. Which is a good thing, I guess. I wind up wondering, though, if there’s just a baseline resistance to self-reflection, even after 860+ days, that pushes me to distraction when I do this exercise.

Day 865: Going well; staying motivated (Day 3 of 100)

A short one today — the cats have adjusted to my wife’s work schedule so I was up at four and eventually distracted them with food and went back to bed, got up at 6, went for a run, etc.

All’s well on Day 3, with 97 days remaining. Ate right yesterday, with allowance for some fun food (but tracked it), well situated and planned for today, etc. Good run this morning.

So… off to work, and to keep my eye on the prize. 97 days ain’t long. It’s one season, really. I’ll be done and (I expect) totally on track by the fall.

Day 864: Day Two of 100; knowing my motivation

Drink deep! Drink deep from the cup of MOTIVATION!

It’s strange, but now that I’ve got a clearer idea of what my motivation is, I think this 100 days thing is going to go more smoothly. Even if the motivation is, to be blunt, not great compared to a lot of other motivators.

Motivation is motivation, though, and even if it’s vanity, that’s still motivation. Good exercise both yesterday and today; early up today, so I’m going to try to squeak in a nap before work.

It occurs to me that “productive vanity” isn’t a bad motivator for other things in my life as well. Maybe I need to think about that when I get work doldrums, or house renovation blahs — impressing people, again, probably shouldn’t be a reason to do things. But if I’m honest with myself, and I like people to be impressed by me is a truth, and the end results are good — I’m doing solid things of real benefit, not just chasing accolades — well, the work’s still getting done.

98 days to go!

Day 863: Embarrassing Reboot

…let’s try this 100-day challenge again, shall we?

It’s been a rough start; not for any specific reason, but it’s just been a weak-sauce beginning. I’m giving myself a mulligan, and kicking it off again today; I’ve reset the spreadsheet and will be cracking away at it with an end date of Thursday, August 22, 2019.

Why the reset?

A chunk of it is a casual remark from my friend Adam, who mentioned that working out hard makes a big difference in his day, and to be honest, I’ve been phoning it in recently. So this morning was a 4 a.m. up, but I put 100% into rowing, and damned if I didn’t get off that thing tapped out but also feeling like it was a brand new day.

So it’s a brand new day! I’m going to get some sleep as it was a 4 a.m. start, and then this is Day 1 of 100. For reals this time.